outlander s1e9: the reckoning

(I’m trying some new things with writing, and I’ll also be writing about some new things. I’m a big fan of the TV show Outlander, and what follows is a recap of the newest episode that aired last night in the U.S. It assumes you’ve seen it, so there are some spoilers, FYI.) 

After a long dry spell waiting for Outlander to start again, Claire and Jamie are finally reunited. And the first thing they do after escaping the British is not have super sexy Outlander sex, it’s have a horrible fight.

It’s an ugly fight, but it seems real to me. Their hearts have been torn open and ripped out, and terrible truths fly out from the depths of the cracks. A part of them means every word they said. But as Jamie says in his opening monologue, the first time we are privy to his point of view, life is a series of choices–to forgive or hold anger, to love or to hate, to live or to die. Claire and Jamie’s choices in this episode begin to shape their life together. 

The midseason finale left us with Black Jack attacking and almost raping Claire when Jamie appears in the window, her knight in shining armor…kind of. Turns out, his gun isn’t loaded and he bluffs his way into the room hoping for the best. He rescues Claire, leaving Jack alive, and the two head off into the sunset…kind of. 

Turns out Jamie is mad as hell that Claire disobeyed his orders to stay put, and he blames her for getting kidnapped. The fight they have, and Jamie’s quiet admission of fear that followed on what it cost to go after her with an unloaded gun and his bare hands, was a raw moment that showed the other side of the gentle romance and dashing heroics we are used to seeing from the couple. 

Both Jamie and Claire can encompass all of that fear, love, bravery, naivete, arrogance, ugliness, and beauty because they are both complex humans who feel all those things. And their marriage and their life together is born out of what they choose to do with those real, conflicting emotions.

These contradictions lead to mistakes, of course, but also to course corrections. 

Jamie has been so kind to Claire and has been such a bright spot in an unfamiliar place that I wanted him to continue being that heroic, perfect man. But he isn’t perfect, and the ugly things he spits at Claire reminds us he is a product of his time and experiences–as anybody is. 

Which leads him to handle Claire’s disobedience in the way he knows, and the way he thinks is right. In a horrifying scene, Jamie lectures Claire once again, and then removes his belt to HIT HER WITH IT to be sure she will never disobey him again. Claire obviously does not agree to this, so Jamie CHASES HER AND HOLDS HER DOWN. No, in this episode Jamie is not exactly a hero. Not even close.

When he says he is going to hit her, Claire says no and he actively ignores her lack of consent and violently holds her down. It’s a disturbing scene, perhaps coming across a little too lightly on the show, and it leads to the first real struggle in their marriage.

Lucky for Claire, and for us, Jamie is open to changing the status quo, and after seeing compromise play out in his clan, he realizes he should bring a more open mindset to his wife as well. So he pledges fealty to Claire and swears to never hit her again. But maybe more importantly, he shows he means it by waiting for her verbal yes before finally having that sexy sex. Listening for consent respects someone else’s agency, and Jamie is learning how to respect Claire. 

(btw I love Claire’s angry hairbrushing before Jamie apologizes. When women lose control in other aspects of their life, they can often turn to “women’s things” like hair and clothes, to assert themselves and take back a little bit of self. So you brush that hair, Claire, you keep brushing it. Also note how the camera views Jamie in the mirror–how does the way he sees himself compare with how Claire sees him right now?) 

Jamie thought men should always beat their wives because that is all he has seen and all he had known. He also thought husbands and wives only had sex like horses. Lucky for Claire and for us, he lets Claire help him form a new worldview, one where your wife’s personhood matters. 

After Claire and Jamie find their way back to each other, they finally have that sexy sex we’d all been waiting for…kind of. Claire shows once again she is no obedient pushover by PULLING A KNIFE on Jamie WHILE THEY ARE HAVING SEX and threatens that if he ever hurts her again she will cut his heart out (I’m guessing she doesn’t mean metaphorically). But I guess it all worked out because Jamie and Claire reconnect and both seem to have reached a greater understanding of each other. 

They seemed to have passed the first test in their marriage, but the repercussions from their choices may only be just beginning.

The other members of Jamie’s clan are laying some (admittedly less sexy) groundwork themselves. Jamie’s marriage to an Englishwoman and Dougal’s fundraising for a Jacobite army are not exactly easy pills for their laird to swallow. Loyalty and tradition are no. 1 for the MacKenzie clan, and Claire and Jamie are breaking down tradition one tiny step at a time. 

Next week, I hope we see more Claire, I missed her a lot this episode. And where is Geillis???

my favorite pop culture pastime: shipping

I ship Oliver and Felicity, and Elizabeth and Philip. I ship Alicia Florrick with everyone, but especially Finn Polmar. I yell “make out!” at the TV so often, it’s become a constant refrain in my apartment.

In TV land I am ruthless. I want everyone to cheat on everyone, unless you’re a couple I think is in capital L Love, and if anything comes between them I will riot.

Sometimes I am rewarded in my lust for lust, like the amazing moment Nyssa and Sara ran into each other on Arrow, and instead of attacking each other like assassins (which they are), they kissed like lovers (which they also are). It reinforced my shipping dreams, and now I can keep shipping random strangers because I was justified that one glorious time.

You can’t have a good ship without good chemistry, but chemistry can be good in a million different ways. Lovers have chemistry, but so do friends, colleagues, families, and people who really hate each other–and sometimes one relationship can be all those things at once (looking at you, Empire).

Chemistry is like talent: When people have it–I mean really have it–you don’t see them work at it. You never think about the mechanics of it, or how awkward it is to shoot those sex scenes (ahem, 50 Shades of Gray). Sometimes you don’t notice chemistry it until it’s missing and two people are hugging you didn’t even realize were supposed to know each other. I measure chemistry on a scale of Bella and her child in Twilight: Breaking Dawn (zero–they share the least maternal hug I have ever seen) to Alicia and Will on the Good Wife (whose romantic and sexual chemistry caused me physical pain).

Will and Alicia level chemistry is hard to come by. Even other couples on the Good Wife can’t match it, but the Good Wife makes up for this injustice by allowing me to ship multiple ships. Alicia and Finn? Definitely. Alicia and Peter? Yes, but in a twisted power game way. Alicia and Kalinda? Oh, hell yes.

I make up the rules of shipping as I go along, and I change the game whenever I feel like it: This person is allowed to cheat on their spouse, but not with a waste of a ship. That couple should be together forever, except he hasn’t realized it yet so she should get it from somewhere else in the meantime. If that person strays, I will never forgive them.

I have found that I am the best shipper when I am my best self. Shipping is not for yearning for your past or for what your future could be–that’s torture. I come to shipping with my heart full and overflowing with love, and I want to cheer on others to find the same. My shipping is a tribute to my own relationships, and a prayer that others can find that connection and acceptance.

The connection that warms my heart also thrills me. Watching people be attracted is attractive. That click with someone is so rare in real life, and so precious, that when I see it I celebrate it any way I can.

Underneath the sexiness of chemistry is the humanness of it. By responding to another person’s energy with our own, we are recognizing their humanity. And longing for that recognition and connection with someone else is universal.

So I ship. I ship everyone, and I change the rules of the game to allow for more and more shipping because the more diverse and inclusive our shipping is, the more diverse and inclusive our connections IRL can be. I ship so that cheering for all relationships and celebrating the sexy sex of bodies of all shapes and sizes becomes something we do on the regular, because we saw it on TV.

to do lists of the semi-adult: episode 16

to do lists of the semi-adult

Make up can be awesome, right? You can play with your look and try fun new things and cover up some insecurities. But with a billion products out there, it’s hard to know what works and what doesn’t. In this episode, Jewels and I talk about our favorite make up products and what works for us.

We both love Neutrogena Face Wipes, and I especially like the nighttime version. I use Stila eyeliner with primer for my every day eyeliner look, and it lasts forever. Jewels likes a MAC paint pot, rather than a primer. We both love MAC, and Jewels really loves her MAC blush in desert rose. Our other favorite is Burt’s Bees chapstick in pomegranate.

Jewels and I both like drugstore brands like Maybelline Falsies mascara (my fave) and E.L.F. products like clear lip liner (Jewels’ fave).

Jewels also mentioned this Reddit tutorial for lipstick that I can’t wait to try out.

We both use Anastasia for eyebrows–I use pencils, and Jewels uses powder. Filling in your eyebrows has been life changing for us, it’s great.

One of my favorite secrets is Expanda Dust Volumizing Powder for adding volume to your hair. A little goes a very long way.

We have many more tips and products on the podcast, and if you have any questions or your own tips, please let us know!

In the lightning round, we talked about The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro, and Looking for Alaska by John Green. Jewels also made egg wraps and this Asian salad, which she recommends. And in personal news, I’m moving in with Michael soon, and I got a new haircut and couch!

You can subscribe to our podcast on iTunes, Stitcher or by using our feed link. You can also always find them on my Podcast page. You can find me right here at Rae’s Days, on Instagram, and on Twitter. Jewels is at Oven Lovin, on Instagram, and on Twitter.

to do lists of the semi-adult: episode 15

to do lists of the semi-adult

As you guys know, Jewels is a very good cook, and I am…a novice in the kitchen. Lucky for me, I can always call Jewels if I have a question or need help, and lucky for you guys, today on the podcast we talk about our favorite kitchen gadgets to make cooking a little easier.

We both love coffeemakers with a timer and have a really cool apple peeler and corer. I love my George Foreman grill to make cooking meat easier, and Jewels recommends steel mixing bowls to make baking easier. My favorite kitchen gadget might be my teapot, partly because I use it all the time and partly because I think it’s pretty cute. Jewels says she uses her tiny spatula a lot, and it also seems pretty cute.

We think that sharp knives and good cutting boards, a salad spinner, and a food processor can also make a world of difference. But the No. 1 thing that has made it easier for me to cook is Blue Apron. For a more inexperienced cook like me it has made me much more confident in the kitchen, and I’ve gotten to make some really cool meals that I wouldn’t have made on my own. Jewels and I have a few free weeks we can give out to new Blue Apron customers, so if you guys want to try it for a week, email us at raesdays [at] gmail.com. First come, first serve.

What do you guys use that makes things easier in the kitchen? Let us know!

You can subscribe to our podcast on iTunes, Stitcher or by using our feed link. You can also always find them on my Podcast page. You can find me right here at Rae’s Days, on Instagram, and on Twitter. Jewels is at Oven Lovin, on Instagram, and on Twitter.

(Links to products are affiliates, and they are all products we have used and recommend. Also, my second newsletter on what I’m watching and reading and think is cool is going out later today, you can sign up here.)

new outfit: winter lounging

winter lounging

This has been a VERY COLD February for Chicago. I thought I could skip Winter Dread this year, but it just arrived a little late. To stay warm lounging around the house, I am wearing sweater leggings from American Apparel, and a sweatshirt and scarf from Target. When I have to go outside, I put on my warmest puffy coat and my new Jessica Simpson rain boots. My Bulls hat was a gift, and it keeps me warm and repping Chicago.

For some cheer in the middle of your frozen week, consider signing up for my newsletter. Another one will go out this week.

the royal we

the royal we

Becoming a princess may be a fairy tale we’ve all grown up with, but finding a relationship where you are loved in spite of your flaws is a true happy ending. Both Bex and Nick make mistakes, but that both of them are allowed to be imperfect but still in love is what makes The Royal We so touching.

Unfortunately, as real life knows all too well but fairly tales gloss over, love isn’t all it takes to make a life together. And when you fall in love with the future king of England, the roadblocks to happy ever after are a bit bigger than in a civilian relationship. Like a sledding hill compared with Mount Everest.

Bex Porter, American exchange student to Oxford, and Nick Wales, as in Nick OF Wales, future king of England, begin their relationship as all the best relationships start: bonding over awesome terrible TV with awesome terrible snacks. Spending late nights eating junk food and watching the next installment of Devour, a supernatural American soap opera, is one of the truer ways to fall in love that I’ve ever read. (After all, weekly emails over a TV show is part of what drew me and my own man together–TV and true love are both magic.) And when the two give in to their feelings, finally, it’s sweet and charming and touching, and Nick is every bit a prince (the lowercase kind–a nice, caring gentleman).

But a paradise of twinkies and soap operas can’t last forever. Eventually their relationship will have to come into the light, like an evil twin vampire that is surely on an episode of Devour. And when the palace is through with Bex, she’s not sure she can still see herself when she looks in the mirror.

Not every love can withstand a family that changes the way you look and act to be their version of “acceptable,” and not every relationship is built to exist in front of vicious paparazzi and internet commenters. But the thing that makes Nick and Bex special is that they aren’t extraordinary. They don’t have a perfect love that can make it through anything–they have a real love that gets beat up, and is hard to hold on to, and can be full of doubts one minute and full of grace the next. Nick and Bex are not immortal, they are not angels, they are not superheroes. They are human. And that makes them perfect.

And their relationship isn’t the only great one in the Royal We. There are friendships built in college dorm rooms that last through grown-up jobs and real-life stresses. Bex’s twin sister Lacey and Nick’s brother Freddie provide some of the best support and create the worst obstacles, as siblings sometimes do. And Nick and Bex couldn’t have relationships with their fathers that were more different if they tried.

And like any great soap opera, there’s backstabbing and plotting; the sex is sexy, and sometimes scandalous; there’s sharp one-liners; and plenty of moments that made me laugh out loud and some that made me ugly cry.

The Royal We is so funny, warm, and full of life, it will be the perfect way to warm up after this dreadful winter. It comes out April 7, but you can get the first seven chapters for free right now on Amazon.

outfit for the office on a cold day

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We are SO CLOSE to the beginning of the end of winter, but unfortunately we’re not there yet. I finally replaced my snow boots with these from Macy’s, and I like them very much, but in cold weather you’ll need an additional liner or extra-warm socks. This outfit helped me stay warm in the office with lots of layers, a warm sweater, and fleece-lined tights.

Boots are from Macy’s, sweater from Penney’s, purse from Target, black button up is DKNYC. It’s another gray day here today but I hope it’s sunny and warm where you are.

Also, if you want to sign up for my newsletter on books, tv, stuff I think is cool, and couples I’m currently shipping, you can right here!

rae’s newsletter

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I would like to start a newsletter that goes straight to your inbox not more than once a week. It would be more casual than what’s on here, and mainly on what I’m reading, watching, and stuff I think is cool. More book/TV/life club-y, and less one-topic post-y.

I am still going to be posting regularly on here, and the newsletter will not be the same thing twice because I don’t want to bore you to death. I’d love for you to give it a chance if it sounds like your thing, and you can sign up for Rae’s Newsletter right here. (Like Bob from Bob’s Burgers, I just name everything by putting my name in front of it.)

The first newsletter won’t go out for another week or so, but let’s get this party started by signing up, you know? If there’s anything you particularly want to talk about, let me know!

to do lists of the semi-adult: episode 14

to do lists of the semi-adult

Ever feel like you just can’t stand looking at another baby picture on your Facebook news feed? Not me and Jewels. We LOVE baby pictures and want to see all of them. We also like pet pictures, food pictures, screenshots of texts, and basically any kind of snippet into your life. And if we don’t want to see it, that’s cool, we’ll just skip it or follow someone else, no worries.

In this ep, Jewels and I tackle what we document on social media, and what we do to document personal life for ourselves. We have both used Project Life, which is an easy, flexible scrapbooking system. You can see some of our project life spreads hereherehere and here. I also keep a file on my computer desktop where I stash pictures I like when I happen to see them, and then occasionally I’ll upload the whole folder to a picture printing service and print them all.

We also worry about keeping up with digital storage, and Jewels mentioned Forever.com, a service for keeping your digital photo files safe. (There are apparently a ton of companies that offer this kind of service.)

I like to keep a sketchbook for personal documenting and journaling every day stuff, and Jewels uses her planner to write to journal a little bit, too.

In the lighting round, I talk about the amazing book The Royal We by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan, who run Go Fug Yourself, and Jewels is reading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. This week I was cooking with Blue Apron again and Jewels made beef and mushroom stroganoff meatballs.

Also, everyone should buy this Stila liquid eyeliner from Sephora, if you’re into liquid eyeliner or thinking about being into liquid eyeliner. It is the best.

You can subscribe to our podcast on iTunes, Stitcher or by using our feed link. You can also always find them on my Podcast page. You can find me right here at Rae’s Days, on Instagram, and on Twitter. Jewels is at Oven Lovin, on Instagram, and on Twitter.

vin from mistborn, in her mistborn cloak

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Vin from Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy is a great leading lady to start off my year of leading ladies (one of my New Year’s resolutions was to read more books by and starring women).

Sanderson uses clothing to distinguish his characters and their emotional states–which is pretty much how clothing works in real life, too. I’ve drawn Vin before, when she was at a ball, but this Vin is in her Mistborn cloak and in her element.

Vin has used disguises her whole life to disappear into something less threatening so that people will overlook her. But her Mistborn cloak lets everyone know that she is special–and dangerous. She isn’t hiding her power anymore, she is embracing the part of herself. In her cloak, Vin is the Heir of the Survivor, possibly the Hero of Ages, and the Savior of Luthadel.

But, of course, that isn’t all she is. She also loves wearing dresses, and she is in love with Elend, and she cares for her friends. She is many things, and embracing one side of her doesn’t erase the rest of herself.

My drawing is ink and watercolor, and here’s a (very short!) slideshow of it coming to life.

My other posts on Mistborn are: